Miscarriage from a Dad's Perspective

Today is 12 March 2006.

We have been expecting a precious little baby for a week now, since it's been confirmed at our doctor's office that my wife has been pregnant about six weeks now...

except for what happened today.

She's been bleeding since she first discovered it going to the bathroom around 7:30am. We've talked with our doctor, her mom, and her best friends; trying to get advice. Also talking with my boss who confirmed that she is of highest priority, no doubt and that I need to be with her; thus not needing to go to work today.

I wish this wasn't happening. I wish this wasn't written on the pages of our Life Story. The insides of my nostrils tingle with sorrow, and my eyes are welling up with tears as I write this. My head aches and my heart is sad. I read my wife's beautiful journal entry about all the emotions she has been feeling and her anticipation of holding this dear little child in her arms. When I got to that part, I flung it at the wall... I don't want this to be happening!

It's at times like these when I hate life experience, and I don't want to become more mature because it means I have to go through P-A-I-N. I'm sick of it!

I now feel like I can relate a little more to people who have lost their children to death, like my parents with my sister or our friends who lost their 18-month old in a drowning accident. I know it's totally different, but still... I was excited about our child, and now my hopes have fallen into a dark pit and remain, awaiting the light of another day. But not this day. The day of our miscarriage.

The baby's birthday would have been November 5, 2006.

I need to take my mind off of all responsibility and just veg out with a video game... lose myself into some kind of fantasy world. I want to medicate the pain and be done with this, but I know Jesus will heal us and bring us joy down the road.

I'm a man, right? "A man is someone who... expects the greater reward, God's reward." Children are a reward from God (Psalm 127:4-5)! God, please give us all the reward we can handle!